Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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