i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
