So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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