He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
