my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
