I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
