I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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