So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
