I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
