His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
