I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
