Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
