Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
