sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
