Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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