my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
