I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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