omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
