i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
