i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
