Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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