So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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