I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
