"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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