Please, let me fuck your mom
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
