My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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