I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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