Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
