His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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