if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
