And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize