Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
