can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
