The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
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