Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
