I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
