You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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