I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you win again, gameday.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
