Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
