Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
