The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
