can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
