I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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