I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
