Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
