Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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