i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I FOUND THE LEGS
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize