the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
