Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
