What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
