We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
