I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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