Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
