I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
