Don't you send me to vm
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
