I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
God, I missed his penis.
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