just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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