Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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