Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
