Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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