My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
