I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
