the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
