i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
