for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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