sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
