Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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