Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
