dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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