I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
