I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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