I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
