why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize