whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
