i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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