By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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